


If You Were Dying

by MissLee



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Feelings, Gen, John-centric, Post-Reichenbach, Short, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-09 22:02:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11677959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissLee/pseuds/MissLee
Summary: Post-Reichenbach John is sitting through a therapy session. Ella asks him a variation of the question Sherlock once asked him, "If you were dying, in your last few seconds, what would you say?""Broken and stilted, he says quietly, "He told me he was a fake, that everything he'd ever said was to impress me. He said that no one could ever be that clever and I said that he could. And then," another, longer pause where John let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. "He jumped.""





	If You Were Dying

* * *

Windows. Matching cream chairs, finished with glossy, brown wood. Hardwood flooring, loud footsteps. Sparse furnishings, something probably considered 'minimalist'. It didn't matter, nothing mattered, it was just a space to rattle around in.

"John?"

_Oh, Ella. Therapy, talking..._

"Hm? Sorry, I was just," he trails off. _Just thinking about my dead friend. Just wanting a drink. Just judging your awful taste in interior design._

"I was asking you what you remember about that day." 

 _What don't I remember,_ he thinks wryly, and it must show on his face as he hears the light scratch of a pen on paper.

He hesitates before he begins, "We were in the lab, I was having a nap and the phone rang," he pauses to collect his thoughts, "it was something about Mrs Hudson, said she was in trouble. Possibly dying. I- I called him a machine and left." John looks down, wrings his hands slightly, glances at his watch, anything so that he doesn't have to look at Ella.

"And then what happened?"

He has to take a reaffirming breath before he continues.

"I went to Baker Street and she was fine. Just started to ask me about the police and if it was all sorted, I knew something was wrong so I went back to Barts and-" he breaks off abruptly. Ella looks at him, imploring him to carry on. "He was standing there, on the roof," his voice is rough and his throat constricts but he buries the emotions and carries on. "I phoned him, he told me I had to stay where I was for him. He said the phone call was his note." 

Ella considers for a minute, "What did he say to you?" 

John doesn't want to think about it, doesn't want to remember that he was the person chosen to hear Sherlocks last words, doesn't want to be stuck with the broken voice inside his head telling him  _'Goodbye, John'._

Broken and stilted, he says quietly, "He told me he was a fake, that everything he'd ever said was to impress me. He said that no one could ever be that clever and I said that he could. And then," another, longer pause where John let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. "He jumped." 

Silence reigns as Ella gives him the time to compose himself. He seems conscious of everything and nothing all at the same time. The room is still, as if the universe is giving him the space to just _be_. 

"Do you think he meant what he said?" 

"Who knows with Sherlock Holmes," he's angry now, angry that he's been left to pick up the pieces. Again, another scratch of the pen.

She tries another tact, "If you were dying and I were to hear your last words, what would they be?" 

 _Finally_. 

No he can't say that, she'll pry even more and then he'll never get over it. The pieces will keep cutting into him and he'll keep bleeding.

He's reminded of another time, years ago, when he was asked a similar question.

John doesn't register what he says, it's inconsequential, something banal about not wanting to die. 

"You're lying," Sherlock tells him. He's standing over by the window but the light doesn't touch him. He isn't there.

John just smiles sadly at Ella. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, thank you for reading! This is another little shortie to help with writers block. 
> 
> If you liked this then check out some of my others! 
> 
> Comments and kudos greatly appreciated :)
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://missleeismyname.tumblr.com/)


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